The Year of Secret Assignments -- Jaclyn Moriarty

Another awesome Aussie author. (Ah, alliteration!)

The Year of Secret Assignments was a blast. It's an epistolary novel, like Ella Minnow Pea.

For an English project, the students at Ashbury High have to become pen pals with their rivals, Brookfield High. And, with quite a bit of moaning and groaning from some of the parties involved, they do.

The Ashbury girls:

Lydia:

I'm having trouble concentrating because Tic Tacs keep hitting the side of my head.

What should happen is this:

You should send me some dope and I should sell it. Or use it. We should do it regularly. You send it, and I sell it. It would be a bit like drug trafficking.

I've heard that Brookfield has a marijuana plantation instead of a sports oval. So I guess it's easy enough for you to get. Or are they strict about who can pick it? I hope not.

Emily:

1. My Name: Emily Thompson (aka: Em)

2. My Interests: Well, there's too many to write out! My hand will fall off from the repetitious strain injury! But okay. You twisted my arm. I'll choose the top three!

(a) Shopping

Shopping, shopping, shopping! HEY, DID I JUST USE UP MY THREE? OOPS!

Cassie:

In actual fact, I always think it's funny when a teacher tries to be cool. Most people want to slap them across the face, but I want to sit them down, like with a hand on their forehead, and say, "It's okay, you're a grown-up, you're allowed to be a nerd, just breathe in and out, that's all you need to do, " and they would look up at me confused but also relieved and teary-eyed.

The Brookfield boys:

Sebastian

It's great that you're a fish, because I'm a heron of the kind that flies around the sky and then swoops down to the ocean and screws your brains out.

You thought I was going to say I was the kind of heron that swoops down and eats you, didn't you?

I was, but I thought that might be offensive.

Charlie

Well, I have to say that your letter was a bit of a shock. Maybe it's a girl/guy thing? Do you want to ask the teacher if you can write to a girl in my class instead of me? Or else, I've got a sister if you want to write to her? Just say the word, if you do.

Seriously, what grade are you in? No offense, but do you realize you talk like an eighty-five-year-old?

Matthew

Eat shit and die, private school slag.

Those quotes are all from their first letters to each other. As you might suspect, a lot changes over the course of the book--and it's over 300 pages long, so there's quite a bit of room to maneuver. There are a LOT of laugh-out-loud parts in it--when Emily gets mad, her letters are PRICELESS. When I hit the halfway point, I started doing the read-super-fast-just-so-I-could-find-out-what-would-happen thing. So I'm going to buy it and read it again.